Even the very best relationships can get stuck in a rut simply because of the routine and monotony of ordinary life. If you are both feeling a bit jaded it might be time to take some action.
When a relationship is in a rut you are both going along doing the same things week in, week out and not feeling very motivated or stimulated. This can happen for many different reasons but really it is the almost inevitable outcome of two lives settling down alongside each other into their routines which now include each other.
Most people have commitments outside, and apart from, the relationship like fitness classes, family responsibilities, social groups and hobbies. Add to these individual work commitments and household responsibilities and it is not surprising that many couples end up routinely spending time together on the same nights of the week or doing the same activities at weekends ? this is two individual people trying to fit in all they can into their separate lives. ?Times which are spent together can very quickly become routine, predictable and uninspiring and without even realising it they have become stuck in a rut. If this has happened to you it doesn?t mean that your relationship is doomed, or that your life will be like this forever ? there are things you can do to put a bit of sparkle back.
1. Communicate ? the first step in tackling any problem it acknowledging it is there. Does your partner feel your relationship is in a rut or is it just you? They might be blissfully happy with the routine you have established together and may resist changes you want to make if they are unaware of any problems. Communicate openly but relate it to your feelings so that it doesn?t sound like you are criticising. You may find that your partner feels the same but they didn?t know what to do about it.
2. Be a team ? in order for any changes to take place you need to both want it to happen. Team mates encourage, support and motivate each other and are pulling in the same direction. If one of you is happy with a couch potato lifestyle and the other wants to go hiking together you might run into problems. Try to find common ground where you both agree on new things you would like to do together.
3. Take responsibility for your feelings ? it is not someone else?s job to make you happy or complete you. It maybe that there were hobbies and activities that you used to do when you were single that you loved but you have given them up because you are in a relationship ? you feel like you are in a rut because you have lost some of the essential spark from your own life. It is up to you to go and get that back. In order to have balance in a relationship we need to continue doing things that fulfil us as individuals
4. Put some space between you ? most couples can be in touch 24/7 and many of them are, via text, email, calls and social networks. While this is fantastic it doesn?t leave any time for you to begin to miss each other or to look forward to spending time together. Even if you live together try having no contact during the day then by the time you see your partner in the evening, or at the weekend, you will have lots to talk about.
5. Do something different ? variety is the spice of life and while it may be easier to always have pizza and a DVD on a Wednesday it is likely to become dull quite quickly. Have a curry instead of a pizza, play a board game instead of watching TV, suggest you spend those hours you would normally cuddle on the sofa cuddled in bed, talking and reconnecting. Whatever you do each week try to mix up your routine a little and ask your partner to suggest things too.
6. Recreate your first date ? do you remember the first time you met? It is important to stay connected with the reasons you fell for each other in the first place and recreating your first date is a good way to do this. It will also set the stage for you to reflect on how the relationship has gone so far and where you are heading.
7.?Plan an adventure together ? it doesn?t have to be anything expensive or flashy, it doesn?t even have to involve leaving your living room although planning a holiday is a great thing to do together. Talking about and making plans for your future together will lift you out of a rut and energise you both giving you the essential road map to move forward together.
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